By Gareth Butterfield 
Cars like the Skoda Kamiq make me think back to the days when we were blessed with weird and wonderful designs like the Yeti and the Roomster. Because it couldn’t be a bigger departure.
Far be it from me to call the Kamiq dull, but this compact sort-of-SUV not only follows in the footsteps of far more unusual cars, it sits alongside the likes of Nissan’s quirky Juke, and Ford’s sporty Puma. Being as kind as possible, the Kamiq is neither quirky, nor sporty. But I can definitely see the appeal.
I’ve got an aunt who lives in Norfolk. She’s an accountant by profession, she doesn’t get out much, and her house is sickeningly immaculate.
You’ll never find a single bed unmade, the few ornaments she has are perfectly aligned and spotless, and the toilet roll in each of her bathrooms starts each day with a neatly-folded first sheet.
Her meals are prepared with clinical precision, her clothes are always beautifully ironed, and every stage of her day is timed to a perfect routine. Never more than a minute out of place.
I’m very fond of her, but I can’t think of anyone I’d less like to go on holiday with. She would love the Kamiq.
It’s one of those cars that just does everything it’s supposed to do annoyingly well. There’s no flamboyance, no lairy colours, no daring design features, it’s just practical, conventional, and safe.
Take the cabin, for instance. I’ve a feeling my aunt would find the two-spoke steering wheel a bit off-putting, but apart from that, it’s a riot of sensibility. There are some physical buttons, there’s a manual handbrake, a proper gear lever for selecting the right ratio at the right time, and everything feels as orderly as a freshly pressed set of corduroy trousers.
The rear seats are pretty spacious and surprisingly comfortable, the boot is large at 400 litres, and the fabrics used are of an agreeable quality that any well-to-do accountant would approve of.
The brutally practical ethos extends further than just a sensible layout though, because Skoda has carried over some of its genuinely clever ideas to the Kamiq, including the fabulous umbrella holder in the door, there’s an ice scraper under the fuel filler cap, and a clip for holding parking tickets on the windscreen.
Rear seat passengers have places to store their phones, and a socket to latch them to the front seats, while the driver or passenger can charger theirs wirelessly on a ventilated pad.
The driving experience is predictably safe and solid. Well-weighted steering and a comfy ride hardly encourage any frivolity, but that’s better left to those unsufferable oafs in their Puma STs anyway. The Kamiq’s skills lie in propelling you from point to point in a calm, unfussy way. And that’s surprisingly refreshing these days.
Fuel economy is less likely to delight my penny-pinching aunt, with no hybrid or diesel options, but the punchy one-litre engine can still deliver decent MPG without feeling suppressed in any way.
Base models cost around £25,000 but it’s worth hopping up to the slightly more powerful version, and adding options or jumping through the trim levels can quickly send you closer to the £30,00 mark. But these days, as sad as it may seem, that’s not outlandish money to ask for such a competent car.
The Skoda Kamiq isn’t going to push your buttons if you like wild styling, or driving around everywhere like your trousers are on fire.
But if, like my aunt, you prefer your trousers to be perfectly pressed, and if you want everything in your life to perform its function exactly as it should do, this is absolutely the car for you.
